Opinion: Business battles teach life lessons

The vendor, who’s name is Mickey, finally said, “I don’t know why I keep doing that. If it makes you feel any better, you can call me Ricky!” We both laughed. How many times in my life do I have to learn the same lesson?

Control issues

My mother used to say, “Try a lighter touch.” Here I am, a person who believes in the magic and joy of laughter, hissing my name to a stranger! What makes us do things like that? I think it is, at least in part, the desire to have at least one thing in the day go well. There will be at least one thing that I have control over.

That’s the word – control.

Control rears its ugly head in business in the strangest ways. Your name has to be in the right place on the program. Your description has to be the one that is used in the job posting. Your face had better be in the picture in the paper. Your employee should be reprimanded or extolled by you. Your power over your area of expertise is absolute.

It all boils down to one human trait – we want to feel in control. I have had some health challenges over the last six months, and what I have experienced has taught me one of the most valuable lessons of my life: There are situations over which I have no control.

I have no control over my computer. I have no control over ice storms. I have no control over certain health crises. Most of all, I have no control over other people.

Are you a control freak? Do you even know if you are? Have people seemed resentful that you tried to impose your will upon them?

We can probably all say, “Yes,” to one degree or another.

The next time you get into a verbal shoving match with a co-worker, your boss, a vendor or an innocent bystander ask yourself: Can I turn this situation into one of laughter? Is there another way to handle this conflict? Am I being petty or is my point earth-shatteringly vital? What will happen if I back off for a later time? Am I too emotional to discuss this now? Is my ego talking? What will happen if I lose?

Does this mean that we roll over and play dead in every area of conflict? Absolutely not. It means that just because we have the power, we don’t have to use it.

Back off

Deferment does not mean defeat. There are times when we need to back off and think about the conversation a bit. I have learned the hard way that some people may understand your points better when they receive an explanatory, low-effect e-mail that states the facts in a clear manner.

Getting too emotional about an issue is another kind of power trip that evolves. Instead of focusing on the issue, we take it too personally.

Here are some examples.

Weak: “But you told me that all candidates had to apply through the Web site. It feels like we are changing horses in midstream.”

Stronger: “In your Jan. 2 e-mail, you said that candidates need to go through the Web site. Maybe something has changed since then. Could you go through the procedure with me again?”

Weak: “I worked on this brochure for three months. I thought I would be able to present it to the committee!”

Stronger: “As you know, I’ve spent a great deal of time on this brochure. May I be part of the process in presenting it to the committee?”

In all of these cases, we take it from the emotional to the pragmatic. When you can take the emotions out of the shoving match, you have a better chance to begin dialogue and to increase communication.

What if you lose? Here’s the bad news: You probably will. You are not going to win every battle. It is from our defeats that we learn. If you have ever watched ice skating, you know the dangers of the fall-prone sport. You also know that the skaters pick themselves right up and go. Many of them go on to win even after a crucial fall.

So will you. It isn’t winning that is important – it is learning.

Sinara Stull O’Donnell is a professional speaker and writer through Springfield-based SinaraSpeaks. She is the author of “Be The Star Of Your Life: Are You Ready For Your Close-Up?” She can be reached at sinara1@sbcglobal.net.[[In-content Ad]]