Opinion: Awkward foot-in-mouth moments can happen to everyone

The first words out of your mouth were, “What were you thinking?”

Someone you respect made an openly sexist remark in a team meeting. A friend of yours at work got into a knock-down, drag-out verbal fight with the general manager and lost it – then lost his job. A member of your immediate family at this summer’s annual reunion decided, after the second six-pack, to make disgusting noises using a hand in his armpit.

How do you respond when stupidity reigns? What strategy should you adopt with an adult who is acting like a teenager or third grader?

It happens every day. Mature adults have been known to regress into selfishness, naiveté or other displays of immaturity. When you are convinced the adults around you should be playing with SpongeBob SquarePants, what should you do?

First, you have to admit we are all one thoughtless moment away from the Land of Dumbdom. Join the club, if you have ever said to yourself after a moment devoid of rationality, “Why did I say that?” You will be no good to anyone else unless you can admit that your feet are made of clay.

Second, ask yourself this question: “Is there a pattern here?” If we all can have a moment when our brain goes to Jell-O, you may want to cut this person some slack. Becoming the goody-two-shoes at home or within your modular office walls will not endear you to anyone.

We probably all know a Nellie, who in “Little House on the Prairie” could not wait to find Laura doing something wrong. If you get turned on by uncovering the peccadilloes of others, get a job with the Transportation Security Administration. When you uncover a toothpaste tube that is 3.4 ounces, well, life does not get much better!

Third, assuming the other person is not prone to profundity, do a little “reality-testing.” Reality-testing is a verbal art form. This is a noninvasive method of letting the other person know he just suspended normal brain activity, without the accompanying “put down.”

It works this way.

Begin your conversation by asking a nonthreatening question like, “What result were you expecting?” Notice, that question is much different than, “Tell me, when you made that decision, did you think other rational human beings would actually endorse what you did?”

The question, “What result were you expecting?” will generate further discussion like, “No, I cannot believe I did that,” or “Yes, what happened is exactly what I wanted,” or “Maybe I should have thought that through.”

Now, any of those statements will give you a positive platform for your next interrogatory. If you heard, “No, I cannot believe I did that,” you can respond with “We all disengage our brains from our mouths every once in a while. What have you learned for the next time?”

If you heard, “Yes, what happened is exactly what I wanted,” follow with this question, “How did your action (words) benefit you?” Please notice the word “benefit.” It is not whether or not the person “felt good” or “it was the right thing because he had it coming.” The salient issue is “benefit.” Did the action (words) do something positive?

Finally, if you heard, “Maybe I should have thought that through,” do not say anything. That’s right, silence. This is no time to get behind a pulpit or become parental. After a few minutes, issue a remedial question like, “How can I help you the next time you need to think it through?”

We have to plan on bumping into people like us: the finite human beings who make fools of themselves with thoughtless words and infantile behaviors. Regardless of our age, we all have the potential of stumbling backwards and ending up with a foot in our mouths.

Remember that, before screaming, “What were you thinking?!”

Cal LeMon of Executive Enrichment Inc. solves organizational problems with customized training and consulting. He can be reached at execenrichment@aol.com.[[In-content Ad]]