Opinion: Annoying ads produce lasting business returns

Who “wants to be your jeweler”?

When is it “fun to be a kid for awhile”?

What is “Pitney Bowes’ worst nightmare”?

Established advertising themes such as these pay big dividends to businesses who own them. Called “positioning statements,” a handful of the right words produce mighty returns for advertisers. But where do these themes originate, and how do they work?

Mark Robinett and a staff of 20-plus sell copiers and mailing equipment at Robinett Copier & Mailing Solutions, having done so since the mid-1980s when Mark started out as “Minolta Man,” a cartoon icon that lets him bare his chest a la Superman. With the help of Dave Smoot of Baker & Associates, the guy who first illustrated “Minolta Man,” Robinett has had a good 20-year run.

The mind of Minolta Man envisioned the nightmarish “Pitney Bowes’ Worst Nightmare,” radio spots that end with a woman screaming obnoxiously. Admittedly, Mark knows how everyone hates his commercials, and he’s aware of the fact he plugs the name of a direct competitor, a big no-no in the ad business. But he says, “When you’re competing against a monolithic outfit like Pitney Bowes, there’s no way to catch up with their brand. I could spend myself out of business trying to get people to recognize Neopost, the name of the equipment I carry. Essentially, when I attack Pitney Bowes, I’m riding their coattails. Besides, I’d rather have an annoying commercial that works than a pleasing one that doesn’t.”

Another local advertiser who drives us bonkers is the Wokka Wokka jeweler, Woody Justice. Justice admits that he takes occasional calls from people who verbally abuse him about his folksy radio spots. In the few minutes it takes such callers to moan that they’ll never darken his door, about 30 people wander in.

Woody’s audio logo is, of course, “I wanna be your jeweler.” What he really means is: “I wanna be your very rich jeweler,” which is essentially what he’s become, thanks in great part to all those amateur-sounding radio ads, most of them expertly written by Roy Williams, the Wizard of Ads.

In 1986, Woody and Roy dreamed up “I wanna be your jeweler” after Woody brought up a forgotten piece of Americana: town squares. In the olden days, virtually every small town had a town square and each housed a bank, barber, insurance agent, drug store, movie house, clothier, restaurant, and, of course, a jeweler. Woody wanted to operate his store like the storekeeper on the square.

The term “Wokka Wokka” diamonds at Justice Jewelers came to be because Woody and his daughters watched the Muppets on TV. When Fozzie Bear experienced something profound or extraordinary, he said it, “Wokka! Wokka!”

John Youngblood recently completed a makeover of his car dealership on Campbell Street. You know John, of course, as the guy who jumps up and yells “What A Place!” at the end of his TV spot. That isn’t John; it’s Chuck Weirsch, the general manager. John actually hides in the back, where he spends his time thinking up new words to add to his dealership name: Youngblood Chrysler, Nissan, Kia, REO Speedwagon, Packard and Peckerwood.

Chuck told me that the “What A Place!” theme just popped up in a conversation he had with John 17 years ago. They’ve stuck with it to the point that, when I asked him if he’d consider selling the slogan to, say, the city of Branson, without hesitation Chuck said, “We’ve literally got equity in the theme that’s as valuable as the real estate we sit on. I don’t think we’d let it go for any amount of money.”

Just like me, Andy’s Frozen Custard grows bigger every year. Andy’s uses an energetic little jingle to sell itself. See if you can sing along with the words, “Andy’s Makes it Fun to be a Kid for Awhile!”

All advertising themes are worthless if they’re not supported by a worthy product and exceptional service. You can brag all you want but, in the end, you’re judged by one simple principle: your ability to meet your customer’s expectations.

Editor’s Note: The businesses discussed in this column were advertisers on radio stations formerly owned by the author. Robinett Copier & Mailing Solutions is the lone current client, however, it was not a client at the time of writing. These marketing ideas and expertise were learned during such client relationships.

Bob May is former managing partner of five local radio properties and is now engaged as a southwest Missouri sales consultant. He can be reached at spiffsdad@aol.com.[[In-content Ad]]