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Movie Review: 'Season of the Witch' better suited for DVD

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“Season of the Witch”

Directed by: Dominic Sena
Starring: Nicolas Cage, Ron Perlman, Stephen Campbell Moore, Claire Foy, Stephen Graham, Ulrich Thomsen, Robert Sheehan, Christopher Lee
Rated: PG-13

After seeing so many great films as they raced to make the deadline for the 2010 Oscars, it was almost a relief to see Dominic Sena's medieval slaughterfest/thriller “Season of the Witch.” It's not really as bad as some critics are proclaiming it to be, but it's safe to say that it stands as much chance of winning an Oscar as I do of winning a Pulitzer Prize.

Star Nicolas Cage has done some great work and actually has won an Oscar - best actor in a leading role in Mike Figgis' 1995 drama, “Leaving Las Vegas.”

He's worked with other A-list directors as well, including his uncle, Francis Ford Coppola (“Rumble Fish”), the Coen brothers (“Raising Arizona”) and David Lynch (“Wild at Heart”). But then there have been movies like “Captain Corelli's Mandolin” and “Ghost Rider.”

Here, Cage teams with Ron Perlman (“Hellboy,” “City of Lost Children”) to make a  pair of knights who, after a dozen years, start feeling guilty for slaughtering so many innocent people and decide to go AWOL from the Crusades.

My usual movie companion - of 34 years now - commented, roughly 15 minutes into the film, “This is a Crusades 'buddy movie,' like a medieval 'Lethal Weapon'.”

But before we get to the buddy movie, we have to witness the brutal hangings of three women accused of being witches in a grimy village (all villages are grimy here and the sun rarely shines) and realize that one of them may have actually been a witch.

Then we jump ahead to the Crusades, and director Sena throws in half a dozen battle montage scenes all prefaced by the official representative of the church telling the knights they are doing God's work by slaughtering the infidels.

Behman (Cage) and Felson Perlman decide, profoundly, “The killing of women and children must stop!” So, they take off on their own. It's never really stated where they are planning on going, but they wind up in a particularly grimy village, made even more unappealing by the presence of the Black Plague.

There, it's discovered that they are deserters and are thrown in jail and sentenced to die. But someone has the brilliant idea to put the knights into service.

They are taken to the deathbed of the decaying Cardinal D’Ambroise, played by an entirely recognizable Christopher Lee.

The Cardinal tells them they will be spared if they agree to accompany a local monk to a remote abbey. Also in tow will be a young girl (Claire Foy). She appears to be a sweet young woman, but the Cardinal just knows she is a witch and is the cause of the plague. At the abbey she will be given a fair trial and then presumably burned at the stake.

Joining the grime encrusted troupe is an altar boy who dreams of joining the Crusades and proves his mettle in a sword fight with Felson. There's also a medieval con man who will serve as a guide as he has traveled the mountains and through the rather intimidating forest and knows the location of the abbey.

So off they go. The monk, an overly pious and uptight man, warns everyone not to talk to the witch because she will turn them all against each other with her lies.

Behman rather likes the girl and she seems sweet. She also begs him not to ever leave her alone with the monk. She insinuates he has done unspeakable things to her during her imprisonment.

A good many trials are endured along the way and the farther along they get, the weirder the tribulations become. It's a given that some of the crew is going to die and they, indeed, do.

But the survivors make it to the abbey where they find the monks all dead. But they were busy before they died. They were transcribing a rare religious book that has instructions for dealing with witches and demons and performing exorcisms.

After a brief time at the abbey, an important secret/plot device is revealed and that sets up the third act, wherein all hell breaks loose.

The dialogue here makes few concessions to speech patterns of the era and Cage and Perlman would, indeed, be right at home in a cop buddy film set in NYC today. This is the kind of film that would be great at the drive-in where you could make sarcastic remarks in the privacy of your car. Lots of “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” references are in order. It also will be great on DVD where you and your friends can have a party and make comments like they did on “Mystery Science Theater 3000” and “Beavis and Butthead.”

If you're not expecting much, “Season of the Witch” is a fun diversion.
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