Modern workplaces suffer in silence

Yeah, right!

In a business environment where we have learned that the required survival skills of the new economy are zip your lip, keep your head down, become invisible in staff meetings and watch what you say at coffee break, why should any of us be surprised that saying nothing is the language of choice in most workplaces?

Last year, did you make a suggestion to your boss and … have yet to hear anything?

Have you been double billed by a vendor and, after sending in a copy of the check, asked that someone give you a call to explain how this could have happened only to hear … nothing?

Have you asked that someone you trust give you a critique about a presentation you made … that was six months ago!

So, why the chicken-biological-waste response of silence?

There are four reasons why saying nothing is something we frequently choose.

First, putting into words what you are thinking and feeling could be injurious to your career health.

I will openly admit there are times when “power people” do not want to hear from us. They give very clear, nonverbal messages that could be summarized, “If you say anything right now, you have chosen to seek employment elsewhere.”

People with positional power do have the right to filter what they want to hear and from whom. That is neither good nor bad; it is just the way it is.

Second, some of us do not think well on our feet (or our posterior, or in a prone position or any physical contortion).

When we are confronted with a “flight or fright” situation, we will say, “My mind just went blank.” Well, there is a good physiological reason: the blood does drain from our extremities, including our cranium, and goes to the heart and lungs. So, when crisis comes calling, we often do not have the mental fuel for laser-like reasoning.

Third, we do not have the skills to put our thoughts and emotions into words. We have been taught how to weld, enter numbers into Excel, plant a juniper, program a TV remote control, do the backstroke, fill out a 1040 – but not talk.

Our throat-clearing, halted stammering with each other is an indictment of our educational system. It does me no good to get a degree to read a spreadsheet unless I am able to verbally arrange my thoughts about what the numbers mean to me or to our organization.

Fourth, we use silence because we fear rejection.

If my idea, plan, solution or approach is not accepted, then, I assume, I am not accepted either.

The marriage of our jobs and our self-esteem is evident. Many of us do not know who we are outside of a job description. We have trouble when meeting another person if a place of employment is not part of that first conversation.

Consider this: If the job is you, and a colleague does not agree with you, you probably will become irrationally defensive.

If I am onto something here about reasons why we go “mum” with each other, the only one we can immediately correct is the third one: we need to learn the skills of adult confrontation.

Therefore, I am suggesting these three simple skills.

First, when you need time to formulate a verbal response, say, “I will need a few minutes (hours, days) to think through how I want to respond to you.” Make sure you say that without any hint of an apology.

Second, when you do not agree, respond with, “I see things much differently and here are the reasons …”

Third, accept responsibility for your own errors. Instead of trying to cover your posterior, why not say, “You know what, you are right here and I am wrong.”

Silence is an intentional, passive-aggressive game played by adults who have decided to act like children.

Cal LeMon, of Executive Enrichment Inc., solves organizational problems with customized training and consulting.