LeMon Aid: Prejudice starts at labeling level

I could not believe what I was hearing.

As a professional keynote speaker, I am represented by five speaker bureaus. On occasion, I will make a 20-minute presentation in a "speaker showcase" that is attended by corporate meeting planners looking for keynote speakers for upcoming annual conferences or meetings.

An account executive walked up to me after my presentation and said, "I had someone from a large corporation in California who was very interested in you as their keynote speaker this year."

I responded, "It sounds like that is in the past tense. What was the deal-breaker, my fee?"

Looking at his shoes, he said, "No, the issue was not money. It was where you live."

"Pardon me?" I said.

He continued, "This person told me you would not be taken seriously because in your bio it would say, 'Dr. LeMon lives with his family and three grandchildren in Springfield, Missouri.'"

I could not believe what I just heard. I am short, bald, getting slightly bent over and continuously using Listerine White Strips to brighten my aging teeth, but one of my liabilities should not be where I have made my home the last 38 years.

Springfield slighted

The truth is, such labeling might have been initiated by the color of my skin, the fact I am follicly-challenged, where I choose to worship, the institutions where I graduated, my friends, or just how I choose to live out my life. Prejudice is bad enough - but it is the following, often nonverbal, character assassination that is unbelievable.

I have watched in horror the avalanche of acerbity cascade over the nomination of U.S. Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor. The name-calling and caustic labeling has been disgusting. Unfortunately, "Puerto Rico," "Latina woman," "South Bronx" and "Yale Law School" can be the keys that open the file drawer in our minds and start pulling up appellations such as "racist," "activist jurist" and "left-wing judge."

We are still wandering in the winter of our wariness of each other. We satiate ourselves in the safety of strict mental constructs that seethe out sermonic prescriptions on how everyone should live, look and love. We conclude that they should be just like us. Being different, in spite of our crystalline Constitution, is still not respected.

Respect and resolve

There is no clarion call in this column for us to agree with each other. We all have definitive opinions on absolutely everything. That's why marketers construct such ditties as "Have it your way."

The issue in these short paragraphs is really not about the selection of the next federal judge or whether or not you like the magazine the person sitting next to you is reading on an American Airlines flight to DFW. No, the issue is in finding and respecting the person behind our prejudice.

In a growing diverse population, we need a new societal protocol built on a set of skills - not warm feelings.

First, I am convinced we have to start conversations in our workplaces, houses of worship, executive boardrooms, trade unions and family rooms about our penchant for dismantling the humanity of the person with whom we do not agree. We need to stop ourselves when denigration seems to be our best response to hearing what does not match our agenda.

Second, we must choose the words we'll use when we confront diversity. I call it an "I statement" that would sound something like, "I see this situation differently, and here are my perceptions."

Unfortunately, when we quickly determine the other person is not a "friendly," we start screaming a "you statement" like, "You have to be kidding me. You cannot believe that!" This verbal retort has always been our "ace in the hole" when discovering we have just wandered into a different tribe.

Finally, the skill of listening is a lost art when the person we deem "alien" seems to have just landed from another galaxy. The skill is a paraphrase and can be structured as, "So what I hear you saying is ... . Have I understood that correctly?"

Those words are nonconfrontational and may lead to you declaring "that is not the way I see this issue." Those words are respectful and filled with resolve, but they do not rip the jugular out of the "different" person's character.

So, what did I say when the account executive from the speaker's bureau told me this client would not hire me because I lived, of all places, in Springfield, Missouri?

To be honest, my acerbic mind was churning out one-liners impugning the intelligence of California citizens. Instead, I chose, "That's too bad. I could have made their annual conference a smashing success because I am really good."Cal LeMon of Springfield-based Executive Enrichment Inc. solves organizational problems with customized training and consulting.