Killing Bermuda grass without trying

Short takes from here and there.

?A Rusty Saber column recently suggested that the 1990s be called the Age of Litigation. Since then, loyal readers have been sending reports of lawsuits representative of the "when in doubt, sue someone" mentality pervading America today. These will be the basis for an upcoming column. Keep those samples coming, loyal readers. I'm counting on you.

Until that column hits the streets, the quintessential example of America's love affair with lawsuits is a recent mock (as in fake, feigned, sham, etc.) trial held by the Arizona Bar Association. As if there aren't enough real lawsuits, this one arranged for an actual descendent of a victim in the famous Gunfight at the OK Corral to sue in a mock civil action against Morgan and Wyatt Earp and Doc Holiday for gunning down the relative.

My first thought was that we must have hit rock bottom, we are suing the dead. But there's a heartening up-side to this story, or at least a sensible one. Lawyers served as jurors.

After hearing actual evidence from the incident, the jury found in favor of the Earps and Holiday. A verdict for the victims would have been the politically correct thing to do. Good for the lawyers!

?I've been intrigued by the saga of the dead-and-gone grass at Springfield's Rivercut Golf Course. The Bermuda grass that covered the new course died, all of it, the victim of winter kill. It will cost half a million dollars to sod the whole thing with zoysia.

What intrigues me and other homeowners, I'll bet is this: How did they manage to kill Bermuda grass? I've never been able to make it sick, let alone kill it. I doubt if a strand of Bermuda grass spreading into a garden or landscaped area could be killed if it were at ground zero of a nuclear explosion.

I've been thinking (I try to keep from doing that too often) about how the powers-that-be might pay for the new grass: Conduct seminars titled "How to Kill Bermuda Grass Without Even Trying." They would get the half million in no time.

?You may have read about the man who claimed he was sleepwalking when he stabbed his wife 44 times and held her head under water in the family swimming pool. My first thought when I read about the murder was that surely he could have managed a better alibi than sleepwalking!

The police had the goods on him, but he at least deserves credit for coming up with such a creative excuse on the spur of the moment.

Besides, he probably wouldn't have gotten far by claiming his wife stabbed herself 44 times and stuck her own head under water, calling it an unfortunate, but extreme case of suicide.

The jury wouldn't have bought that. Nor did they buy the sleepwalking story. He was convicted.

?I'm sure the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Bureau is aware of this, but are you? Las Vegas is second only to Mecca as a tourist destination. Now, pay attention, I may ask questions later. Travelers en route to Mecca go for religious reasons. Right? Could Las Vegas also be a religious destination?

Think about it. Some people seem to worship gambling. Maybe it actually is a religion, with Las Vegas as its Mecca where millions of believers make periodic pilgrimages to gaze upon and worship sacred crap tables.

We may be on to something. It explains the one-two finish of two destinations with little in common. If I'm right, a whole new genre of separation of church and state issues would appear on the horizon from which civil libertarians can protect us.

?Despite a huge public backlash and legal actions by various state attorneys general, magazine sweepstakes firms continue to engage in misleading direct mail advertising.

According to USA Today, magazines historically have depended on sweepstakes for a third of their subscriptions