It can be yours free ? for $4.50 per week

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Some things I don't understand like the scoring system used in the Tour de France bicycle race, for instance. I know it's a very long, grueling race, so long and grueling that it boggles the mind to imagine anyone being able to physically endure the race. |ret||ret||tab|

I do understand that American cancer survivor Lance Arm-strong the closest thing we have to a real-life Superman has won the race three years in a row, which must really frost the French, who look down their noses at anything not French. |ret||ret||tab|

I doubt that I will ever understand the scoring system nor do I need to. Media can give me the bottom line: the winner. |ret||ret||tab|

Another thing I don't understand is body piercing. Earrings I understand ... sort of. Men and women poke holes in their earlobes and stick metal rings in the holes for purposes of beautification. I have no holes poked in my earlobes, but I sort of understand those who do. |ret||ret||tab|

It's other parts of the body where holes are poked that I really and truly don't understand. I will never understand nor do I need to understand rings in the nose, eyebrows, mouth, chin and a multitude of other bodily sites that can't be mentioned in a classy publication like SBJ. It's not necessary that I understand; my neighborhood body-piercing specialist won't be poking holes in me at any time.|ret||ret||tab|

Another puzzle to me is the annoying methods magazine publishers use to market subscriptions. This one I would like to understand because I read magazines.|ret||ret||tab|

To begin with, I don't understand why they insert those annoying subscription information sheets inside magazines. Some inserts are attached and must be torn out, or they aren't attached and they fall out all over the floor. Readers who buy magazines at newsstands probably aren't motivated to subscribe after gathering up a bunch of these pieces of paper or tearing them out to make reading easier.|ret||ret||tab|

Subscribers don't need the ads because they, well, they already subscribe. I'm not the only one annoyed. Of all the possible Rusty Saber topics readers suggest I rant and rave about, annoying magazine in-serts tops the list of suggestions. If magazines want to market subscriptions, let them run ads like the rest of their advertisers. |ret||ret||tab|

Here's another annoying thing I don't understand I know, I'm beginning to sound like Andy Rooney, but I'm really annoyed: The magazines I subscribe to begin sending renewal notices about six months before they expire. As the renewal date draws near the warnings become more severe. |ret||ret||tab|

I mean, next to a massive earthquake or losing my teeth, nothing more drastic could happen to me than failing to renew. They probably spend as much or more seeking renewals than the price of the subscriptions. I don't understand this business practice.|ret||ret||tab|

Magazine telemarketing is the most annoying of all. I don't understand why magazines feel the need to stoop to misleading tactics.|ret||ret||tab|

In the past, a telemarketing scheme with a slightly different approach has twice been pitched to me. In both, talented telemarketers called to thank me in a chatty, friendly style for doing business in the past with a particular distributor. If I've done business with this outfit, I'm unaware of it. |ret||ret||tab|

Both telemarketers wanted to send me a "designer watch" as a token of appreciation (chances are good that the designer doesn't work for Rolex). Both friendly callers reeled off a staggering array of magazines that would be mine. |ret||ret||tab|

At this point the two pitches varied: The first said that if I paid $230 by credit card, I would receive a colossal saving over news stand prices. By taking advantage of the offer right there on the spot, several more magazines would be mine for free, and of course, the designer watch. |ret||ret||tab|

The second approach included approximately the same number of "free" magazines and the designer watch, the difference being that I was asked to help defray expenses for the free magazines by paying $4.50 per week. Although my math skills are limited, I figured out that the "gift" would cost $234, which must be close to the standard cost of "free" magazines.|ret||ret||tab|

Truth be told, this would be a good deal if one did nothing but read magazines around the clock (and the mailman didn't get a hernia delivering them). Otherwise, it's a scam, albeit legal, anchored in the mystical allure of receiving something for nothing. Legitimate magazines should be embarrassed.|ret||ret||tab|

That's it for my Andy Rooney impersonation.|ret||ret||tab|

(Joe McAdoo is former chairman of the communication department at Drury Un-iversity and a Springfield public relations consultant.)[[In-content Ad]]