HR Solutions: Clashes inevitable; learn to manage them

The inevitability of clashes is a fact of life. The proper perception of and approach to clashes is the foundation of effective conflict management.

Remain alert toward behaviors that might signal discord. Once you notice, them you should feel a sense of urgency to straighten out the problem before it snowballs. Take the initiative to begin resolution no matter how small the contention or who is at fault.

Forgive the other person so he or she has no power over you, especially the power to rule your decisions.

Stay focused on corporate goals. Embrace problems as an opportunity to improve that area in the company.

Be positive. Always look for the best and strive for a conclusion that leaves everyone a winner.

Mistakes are correctable. Properly handled friction leads to team building. In the end, the answer may be to agree to disagree, but employees will still be holding hands.

Before you approach someone, ask yourself three questions. Is the person under an inordinate amount of stress that is causing the offensive behavior? If so, overlook his verbal assault.

Second, are you overreacting? Your emotions might be tainting your perception.

Third, is the situation changeable? If it is, systematically work toward a reformation. If it is not, have the grace to accept the condition.

However, if you have done everything in your power to clear up the discord but he refuses to cooperate, consider terminating the relationship.

Put understandable negative emotions on hold. Do not be arrogant and assume you are completely right and the other person is completely wrong. Do not stoop to her level, either.

On the other hand, do not falsely internalize cutting remarks she makes. Do not fear undeserved comments. Keep doing what is right.

Do not be a doormat, or you will never be a success in your company. Stand up for yourself. You have personal worth and dignity. If you are challenged in this area, obtain assertiveness training.

Stop wishing the other person were different. This wastes your energy and makes you less able to cope. Let it go. You have rights but so does he. Remain nonjudgmental of his character. Do not focus on who is to blame. Instead, be considerate of him and treat him the way you want to be treated. He still deserves your respect.

Remember, not everyone thinks and acts like you. Differences are healthy and allow room for growth.

Determine any positive biases you have, such as friendship. Do not allow any partiality to keep you from approaching her. Determine negative predispositions, also. Be sure to not use the upcoming confrontation to punish, dominate or take revenge.

Be motivated by concern for the other person and tell the truth because you value the business relationship.

Do not be motivated by fear. Fear is disabling. You will not hurt his feelings by stating accurate facts; you will upset him if you keep the truth from him.

It does not matter if you are not perfect in other areas of your life; the issue at this moment is his behavior. You will not suffer shame and humiliation; the truth always wins in the end.

If you are afraid because you feel insecure, obtain professional help in the area of conflict management. Learn what to do and what to say.

Do not assume conflict management will come easily, but know that the results are well worth the effort. Make a firm commitment to start settling conflicts today and maintain your zeal from this point forward. The result will be decreased stress and increased peace of mind, self-esteem and respect from others. You will never regret the decision.

(Lynne Haggerman is president/owner of Haggerman & Associates, an employment, management training, human resources consulting, and outplacement firm. She is author/presenter of the seminar "Conflict Management in Companies.")