Hey you guys, can you, like, speak good English?

In her SBJ column a couple of weeks ago, Sinara Stull O'Donnell mentioned that "guys" has become a catchall informal means of addressing others. I thought I might be the only one who noticed that men, women, young, and old, all have become guys.

Actually, the official reference is "you guys," and has linked up with "hey," "you know," "like" and "I mean" to ENRICH the vocabularies of a lot of folks desperately in need of enriched vocabularies.

Example: "Hey, did you guys have a, you know, I mean, like, did you have a, you know, a nice weekend?"

"Hey, you guys are, like, you know, I mean, you guys are, you know, I mean, like you are about the most fun guys I know. So, you know, I mean, like, did you guys have fun?"

And they accuse Americans of not speaking foreign languages.

As this is being written, no resolution is in sight of the crisis in Afghanistan where eight foreign aid workers four German, two Australian and two American with a German-based organization, are under arrest for preaching Christianity.

Say what, preaching Christ-ianity is a crime? Proselytizing or converting to Christianity in Afghanistan is punishable by life in prison or death. Not to make light of a nasty situation, but imagine what would happen if Billy Graham held a crusade in Afghanistan; every jail cell in the country would be full.

Foreign diplomats are trying without success at this writing to get the foreigners out of jail, but Afghani nationals who worked with the foreigners are in jail and haven't been heard from since they were arrested.

I can't believe this isn't a blockbuster story. I would as-sume that America and the world would be outraged, that Ted Koppel's nightly news program would begin with Christ-ianity Under Siege, Day 33!

Why haven't cable talk programs finally shut up about Gary Condit in order to hash and rehash every minute detail of the crisis? Where is Rev. Jesse Jackson? I can't believe that he hasn't been on the scene; he's on every scene where at least one TV camera is on hand.

It's too bad that the political correctness crowd hasn't been all over this thing like bad breath on a mouthful of garlic. No one seems to be outraged, but me!

As I write this, hummingbirds are feeding just outside the window. Actually, only one bird is feeding; that one has chased the others away from the feeder. These powerful little critters, not much bigger than a horsefly, have the disposition of a rhinoceros with tusk disease. If our feeder goes dry, hummingbirds fly around looking in the window; when we step outside, they dive bomb us.

Considering their relative strength and foul disposition, I wonder: What would happen if hummingbirds were the size of turkeys? Well, the hummingbird feeder would be the size of a beer keg; if it were to go dry, an irate hummingbird would begin to rip the roof off the house unless the feeder were refilled posthaste.

Have you noticed how often you see that someone is a "proud sponsor" of something or other?

For instance, as the Olympics draw near, just about every organization with a checkbook will become a "proud sponsor." What other kind of sponsor is there?

Would a sponsor proclaim itself ashamed to be a sponsor? Embarrassed to be a sponsor? Mortified? Humiliated? Of course a business is proud to sponsor; otherwise, it wouldn't pay to be one. Proud sponsor is like "Fresh Vegetables"; who would advertise "Stale Vege-tables"? "Farm Fresh Eggs," as opposed to "Citified Rotten Eggs" perhaps? "Live Band," as though music fans would flock in to hear a "Dead Band"? "For Sale by Owner": Well, of course it is; no one can legally sell anything they don't own. As an advocate of good will, I offer the following road map for a triumphant life: Never buy anything from anyone who doesn't own it. Words to live by.

I'm working on a column made up of sports clichs. Ex-amples: "The center fielder NAILED the runner at home," "He/she DRAINED a 3-point shot from WAY DOWNTOWN!"

If you would like to contribute your favorite sports clichs, and see your name in print, send them to Rusty Clichs, Springfield Business Journal, PO Box 1365, Spring-field, MO 65801; fax: 417-831-5478; or e-mail, sbj@sbj.net.

(Joe McAdoo is former chairman of the communication department at Drury Un-iversity.)