From My Briefcase: Writer-reporter's long journey comes full circle

|tab|

I went to journalism school during the days of Vietnam and the bombing of Cambodia. On the heels of those events, came Woodward, Bernstein, Deep Throat and Nixon. It was great to be a journalist. |ret||ret||tab|

I went to law school during the days when Phyllis Schlafly was telling women to stay home and make babies, but instead, we were debating equal rights. |ret||ret||tab|

So it was that while still a newspaper reporter, I developed a passion for law. Researching the history of women's rights, I was surprised to learn that Missouri's legislature had to pass a law to secure rights for married women. |ret||ret||tab|

I never thought much about a woman's right to vote in this country, but I learned of women who suffered hunger strikes to gain that right. I read about women scorned for thinking they had enough sense in their heads to make an informed decision. |ret||ret||tab|

So I decided to go to law school in Tulsa. I think I started a trend because two other reporters headed down the same path. Jean Maneke is now legal counsel for the Missouri Press Association, and Paul Spinden is a judge on the Missouri Court of Appeals.|ret||ret||tab|

For myself, some 23 years later, I am a newspaper reporter again.|ret||ret||tab|

Just why is a good question, considering three hard years of law school, a tough internship in the Tulsa County Public Defender's Office and a grueling bar exam. |ret||ret||tab|

I always start my bar exam story with, "It was 106 degrees in July in Oklahoma City the day I took the bar. I was eight and a half months pregnant."|ret||ret||tab|

I passed the bar and a month later became a mother. When I was at last informed that I was indeed smart enough to be admitted to the sacred roll of attorneys at the Oklahoma Supreme Court, I was pleased, but also quite distractedly happy in my role as mother to Joshua, all 6 pounds, 11 ounces of him. |ret||ret||tab|

My plan was that my husband, also a lawyer and employed by his lawyer father, would support us while I had babies and played house, occasionally appearing in court to keep my mind from turning to Pablum. That way I could help people with my degree and still be a mommie.|ret||ret||tab|

My plan backfired. I ended up divorcing, then ran back to Springfield unemployed with a law degree and 4-1/2- and 6-year-olds. Law firms here weren't particularly open to women attorneys in 1984, so I didn't secure the hoped-for sheltered job in a large firm. Kansas City or St. Louis might have been different, but my family was here. I needed a law firm job to learn the ins and outs of practice not taught in law school. Instead I learned it the hard way by making mistakes and being called on the carpet for them by my bar brethren.|ret||ret||tab|

I worked briefly in a friend's bankruptcy firm, then in a partnership with another lady lawyer. We struggled for two years, then called it quits. I had learned a bit about the actual practice of law but was still naive. |ret||ret||tab|

I worked for another lawyer for about six months, then entered the scary world of solo practice. There wasn't much choice. My ex was chronically late with child support and eventually stopped paying it at all. I was the kids' sole support. There was no second income available while I built my practice. The next 15 years are a blur. My children were in day care and we had only a few precious hours together each day, never enough. I was tired, stressed and exhausted. |ret||ret||tab|

I even dreamed about my job. Once the dream was so vivid that I stayed in the office for a 5 p.m. appointment I had made only in a dream. But I couldn't stop.|ret||ret||tab|

And so life went. My practice, if not flourishing, kept us out of the poorhouse. Somewhere along the way I lost track of what it meant to be a lawyer. I just churned out the work, rationalizing that I was helping people and I did, some. But I resented the bar as a whole because practice in the trenches as I was doing it was hard. No support came from my bar brethren, except castoff cases they didn't want. |ret||ret||tab|

I sometimes found myself in over my head with some cases, and when I erred, I was promptly chastised by the bar association. |ret||ret||tab|

The fact that I was taking cases to help people who might not otherwise get help didn't matter. I was told one must never do it for the money, only the cause easy to say if you have a regular paycheck from the firm; not so easy in reality. Torn between the concept of law as a profession and as a business, I didn't see how one could do both.|ret||ret||tab|

Eventually, I saw the light. A second failed marriage and subsequent experiences taught me that I was working against my true nature and therefore would never succeed, no matter how hard I tried. Although I love the law, my truer love was the written word, suppressed by years of necessity.|ret||ret||tab|

I remembered that novel started in 1978 when I was supposed to be studying for the bar exam. I took it out, dusted if off, and worked on it some more. It felt great! When was the last time I had felt great? I started writing freelance and began the painful process of winding down my practice.|ret||ret||tab|

Now, at SBJ, I use my 23 years' law experience to be a better writer. The resentment I felt for the bar association's non-support during my struggles has lessened, but I still have work to do. |ret||ret||tab|

As I write this, I know there's now a mentoring program for new lawyers to help them through the hoops. There are more women lawyers today than ever, although still only a few in large law firms in this city. There's a strong push for continuing legal education, and many courses are available to keep inexperienced lawyers away from disasters.|ret||ret||tab|

I value my experience as just that experience that I am glad I have because it makes me who I am. My anger and bitterness will fade with time and the expression of it in my writing. I greatly regret the loss of time with my children when they were so young, but their love alleviates it somewhat like the Father's Day when my daughter made a card for ME! There are even times when my 22-year-old son puts his strong arms around me and says he loves me. |ret||ret||tab|

Part of my message is to encourage all lawyers and businesspeople in every profession to spend more time with their families. |ret||ret||tab|

We only have so much time, and money can't buy it. |ret||ret||tab|

For myself, I have a bright future and an even brighter today. I awake without that knot in my stomach. So now, on most days, I consider myself happy. Perhaps this diatribe has helped me some. Maybe it will help other lawyers who find themselves in the wrong profession.|ret||ret||tab|

(Cheryl Capages is a reporter with the Springfield Business Journal.) |ret||ret||tab|

[[In-content Ad]]