From My Briefcase: Advice from trenches: how not to work at home

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I am a self-described expert in the how-not-tos of a home office. Later, in another column, I will share the how-not-tos of establishing a small business. I'm an expert in that, too.|ret||ret||tab|

When my children were still in grade school, I bought a big, old, drafty house that was perfect for an in-home law office. My purpose in the purchase was to save money on overhead the killer of many a small business such as mine. |ret||ret||tab|

The house was just right for a home office because it had an entryway with large rooms to the left and right. The one to the right became my law office. I had paneling professionally installed. Then, to save money and because I love to do stuff myself, I sanded, stained and polyurethaned the floors. |ret||ret||tab|

With my dusty volumes of Vernon's Annotated Missouri Statutes stacked neatly in the floor-to-ceiling bookcase, the room took on the patina of a lawyer's habitat. My Oklahoma and Missouri law licenses, Tulsa County district attorney commission and federal court admissions filled the wall behind my chair with professional prestige.|ret||ret||tab|

But then it came time to work. Aye, there's the rub, as Will Shakespeare wrote. |ret||ret||tab|

I can tell you without compunction that in my home office I worked harder than I ever did in my entire life, and that includes the time when I had two children in diapers under the age of 2. It quickly became impossible to separate the mommy and wife from the lawyer. |ret||ret||tab|

My children happily munched brownies after school and told me about their day. The laundry room sparkled with newly folded towels and clothing. My family gloried in the smell of garlic-encrusted roast beef that wafted through the house.|ret||ret||tab|

But I was pooped. It never occurred to me to balance my life that is, until I became overwhelmed. My life was so busy there was no time to examine it. A philosopher wrote that an unexamined life is not worth living. He's right.|ret||ret||tab|

But it was my own nature that caused my problems. I am a homebody. Like Beth in "Little Women," I would rather be at home than anywhere else. I loved my old house, the yard and garden, being mommy, being wife. Unfortunately, it all became a grind, then a blur. Years went by without my ever having any real fun or rest. |ret||ret||tab|

Because I was constantly in motion during the day, at night when I should have rested and relaxed I cleaned or crocheted or knitted. I used to go downstairs in my jammies when I couldn't sleep to tackle the set of legal pleadings that lurked in my computer.|ret||ret||tab|

There was pleasure from certain homey tasks, such as cooking, but that too became drudgery. I would wake up filled with anxiety and overwhelmed with responsibility.|ret||ret||tab|

It became obvious, eventually, that I had a problem with drawing boundaries. Since I was so busy pleasing the people in my life, I had no boundaries no place where they ended and I started. |ret||ret||tab|

Perhaps this isn't as much of a problem for men as it is for women, who are natural nurturers. But with a home office, I found myself giving way too much. I learned later that if I had nurtured my own self-esteem, the boundary problem would have disappeared. |ret||ret||tab|

Perhaps the male of the species is better able to draw boundaries in a home office environment, but they usually have something I didn't have a wife.|ret||ret||tab|

I'm not bashing men well, maybe just a little but their natures are quite different. Reading "Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus" explained to me just how different we are. Too bad I didn't read it years ago. But then, I wouldn't have all this great advice to give. Experience, like effort, counts for something.|ret||ret||tab|

When I talk to others who have home offices, they always say how important it is to discipline oneself to work. My experience was just the opposite. I had to discipline myself to play. |ret||ret||tab|

Help eventually came from books such as "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff and It's All Small Stuff. " That one clanged bells for me. Another book, "The Artist's Way," taught me the importance of taking time to play. |ret||ret||tab|

The book required me to write down 20 things that were fun for me. It took a while. I had forgotten what fun was. Then I had to inscribe the last time I did that fun thing. Most of the time it was years ago sometimes 20 years! Ack!|ret||ret||tab|

Eventually, the isolation of the home office got to me, too. I h ad a secretary who provided human contact, but when I decided to wind down my practice and start writing again, I had to let her go. Can you say "depression"?|ret||ret||tab|

So, take heed if you want a home office men and women. Know thyself before attempting to establish an office in your home. |ret||ret||tab|

|bold_on|(Cheryl Capages is a reporter for the Springfield Business Journal.)|ret||ret||tab|

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