Families at work: Not easy, but rewarding if handled well

It is never easy to work with family, but it can be rewarding for all if handled professionally.

Recently, I interviewed a young man who described a very tough boss he had in a construction job: “This guy was on my case every second. I hated him with a passion for three months.”

After his story, I said, “I can see why you wanted to get away from him.”

There was a laugh. “It is a little more complicated than that. He’s my dad.”

Then, his voice swelled with pride and he said, “I learned more from that job than I had in my previous 18 years of my life! My dad’s tough, but he’s fair. That’s what business is, isn’t it?”

He was right. Working with family has a little bit of the positive and the negative.

One of my former bosses used his pull to get members of his family hired into the company. Although none reported directly to him, there was a dotted line relationship, and often he gave them special favors or let them off of duties required of others. Because there were so many relationships, I felt like I couldn’t trust anyone. I might be speaking to my boss’ second cousin twice-removed!

My husband’s experience was the worst. He worked for the son of the regional vice president. The VP’s sons, daughter-in-law and his own wife reported to him. From the first, my husband felt isolated in the job. None of these relationships were made clear to him when he first joined the company. Going to their Christmas party made us feel like we were intruding at a family reunion. (And we were.)

During dinner with friends in California, we heard about their daughter’s new job. She would be resigning with two weeks’ notice.

Why was she leaving? It turned out to be another family story. A husband and wife owned and ran a small company. Although both were qualified, the wife had the dominant personality. Our friend’s daughter described nepotism, crazy outbursts and embarrassing incident after embarrassing incident. As the father explained it, “Her boss thought she was still at home in the kitchen.”

There are many successful family businesses where everyone works well together. Let us look at some problem-solving techniques which, hopefully, can nip potential negatives in the bud!

Three keys

1. Set clear business goals. Don’t work on a dream; work on a business plan. It is very easy to paint a picture of optimism, but that doesn’t prepare your organization for long-term success. In this step, it may help to bring in a professional outside of the family who can evaluate your plans and goals objectively. This person will not be as concerned with hurting feelings and can bring objectivity to the process. “I’ve always wanted to …” is not a plan.

2. Set clear family goals. You’ve heard the horror stories and you want to avoid them: the overwork that pulls couples apart; the fights between siblings; or the patriarch or matriarch who becomes authoritarian and increasingly unfair.

To avoid these interpersonal nightmares, face them squarely and plan ahead. Set up fail-safe systems, which might include scheduling breaks and vacations for couples so that they can get away from the business on a regular basis. Set up weekly meetings (even if it is just two of you) to discuss the business as well as the family interaction on the job. If there is a hint of argument or authoritarianism, discuss the situation openly and come up with a specific plan to eradicate the negativity. Use some of the communication that makes you a family to solve these problems.

3. Set the ground rules to avoid favoritism. This step applies to those businesses which employ people outside the family. On one level, it is impossible to avoid favoritism when you are working with family. Our natural instinct is to favor those we love. Still, overt family favoritism can tear apart an organization. The key here is perception. Give others a voice in the organization. Separate duties within the family, so that each one is responsible for a different function and, possibly, with their own staff. Allowing family members to work within different company initiatives can diminish some of the favoritism.

There are always plusses in working professionally with family members:

You’re working toward a common goal. There is a trust that is built up. You don’t have to worry that you’ll be cheated. (There are horrible exceptions to this, of course.)

In the case of many family businesses, you may be starting or continuing a tradition in which all can feel pride.

Familiarity often breeds communication. Families speak in shorthand, which only they can understand and appreciate. This often leads to rapid, clear decision-making.

The positives can be profitable, fun and fulfilling.

Sinara Stull O’Donnell is a professional speaker and writer through Springfield-based SinaraSpeaks. She is the author of “Be The Star Of Your Life: Are You Ready For Your Close-Up?” She can be reached at sinaraspeaks@earthlink.com.