In my rearview window I noticed a white SUV barreling down the road and flashing its brights, threatening to hit me if I didn’t get out of the way.
Although I was already doing 80 in a 70 mph zone, she laid on the horn and continued to ride my bumper in an effort to motivate me to get out of her way. (Never mind the fact that I was already going 10 miles over the speed limit or that there was a semi to my right that I was trying to pass.) At first I thought there was an emergency.
With all of her fury to pass me and several other cars, it amused me that I ended up directly behind her at the red light of an intersection. I was incensed to see her sit through the green light as she gabbed on her cell phone, oblivious to any other car she might be holding up.
Does she think she is so important that she is above the rules of the road? Does she think she is busier than everyone else? Is she a slave to her emotions? What is her story?
Everyone has a story. Your story is how you see the world, what you tell yourself about what is true or not true. Your story is a mixture of beliefs, perceptions, judgments, projections, facts and fantasy. It’s what you tell yourself about your life and the way you believe life should be. Your story can also be your judgments about others and how they should behave or believe. Part of the drama in your life comes from your story.
Your story either makes your life good or makes your life hard. If you’ve ever seen someone overreact or become irrational over something which (in your opinion) is minuscule, you were seeing part of their story – perhaps the story that says they are being taken advantage of, or that the world is a cruel place, or life isn’t fair or that they are above it all.
Your story either works for you or against you. For example, take Roger the entrepreneur: Even though Roger has a great work ethic, he struggles to get his business off the ground. He keeps putting in more hours and harder work, only to experience frustration. Roger is an optimist given his current situation: After three years Roger continues to throw money at his business only to see minimal gains. To a degree, Roger’s story works for him. People respect his work ethic and he gets encouragement for his ability to be a visionary and to put in the time.
What is the puzzle piece of the story that keeps Roger stuck?
Roger has a belief that money comes from hard work. The truth is that money does not flow from hard work, money flows from value. You may have to work hard to create the value, and you may have to work hard or invest money to educate buyers about the value, but hard work alone does not bring money.
The drama begins when Roger starts to feel victimized because he isn’t getting what he believes he deserves, so he does what he knows to do … he works even harder.
The challenging thing about stories is that stories are like a jigsaw puzzle. There are many pieces that all fit together but sometimes it’s difficult to see the whole picture until all of the pieces are found. The neat thing about stories is that you can often identify them by dissecting your beliefs. Whether you can spot some of your own beliefs or not, these beliefs show up in the patterns of your personal and professional life.
There’s a saying, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.” For example, you change jobs to find a boss who isn’t so demanding only to find yourself in a similar situation with a new boss. You fire your employee only to get one just like the one you fired.
On a personal level the same rules apply: You divorce your partner because there was no respect, only to remarry and have a remarkably similar set of problems with the next person. You keep getting the lesson until you learn the lesson.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Marlene Chism, president of ICARE Presentations in Springfield, works with companies that want to build strong business relationships and with individuals who want to be better communicators.
