Curbstone philosopher details Rustyisms

Although I have a university degree containing the word philosophy, I have never thought of myself as a dispenser of philosophic thought, whatever that is.

Presumably, the person’s laying this questionable designation on me was based on his conclusion that the Rusty Saber occasionally contains a bit of homespun candor.

Truth be told, the reader was someone who prefaced a suggestion for a column he wanted me to write on a subject that he was hot under the collar about with, “Since you are the resident curbstone philosopher.”

I think he meant it as a compliment; I took it as one.

Curbstone philosopher! It has a nice ring to it – so nice that I will try my hand at the sort of philosophical statements to be found in various collections of famous quotations. You know, the “early to bed, early to rise” type of wisdom attributed to philosophers.

The presence of the term “curbstone” allows less than deadly serious consideration for what will hereafter be called Rustyisms.

A Rustyism that I strive to live by comes in the form of a plea: Give me the strength to do those things I need to do, and the good sense to know what they are.

A somewhat similar one poses the question: What separates a foolish person from a wise one? The answer: The wise person has the ability to differentiate between wants and needs, and manages to budget resources accordingly.

Laws also can be Rustyisms. Travelers know the law that dictates the greatest drawback to living out of a suitcase: Whatever you need from the suitcase will be at the bottom of the stack of stuff in the suitcase. Restacking follows.

You know you are going to have a pleasant day if, in the morning, you are doing something you really like to do, and your answer to the question “What are you going to do today?” is “I’m already doing it!”

This Rustyism explains how to know when you have remained inactive too long: It’s time to get some exercise if your self-winding watch keeps stopping, and you can’t seem to make it run again.

If it is true that two wrongs don’t make a right, think of what two rights might make.

This Rustyism is for all people who are young at heart: The beautiful outcome of being young at heart is the complete lack of an age limit.

If a law called for an automatic jail sentence for anyone caught talking on a cellular phone while driving a car, “cell phone” would take on a whole new meaning.

A couple of Rustyisms about friends: Friends do for people what spring rains do for flowers. And: Those having no real friends are poor as a church mouse; those with good friends are rich beyond imagination.

For much of the 20th century millions of people didn’t see communism and fascism for what they were. History might have been far less fearsome if the similarities between these isms had been known by people before they became governed by them: Communism is a system where the government owns everything; under fascism, the government owns the people who own everything.

On a less somber note: If X-rays are supposed to be safe, why does the X-ray technician leave you alone and go to another room to snap the picture?

This eclectic collection of Rustyisms is the outpouring of the resident curbstone philosopher. As far as I know, they are Rusty Saber originals.

Joe McAdoo is former chairman of the communication department at Drury University.