Connecting: Keep promises, follow up to gain credibility with peers

Marlene Chism, president of ICARE Presentations in Springfield, works with companies that want to build strong business relationships and with individuals who want to be better communicators.

"Did you decide to join our committee?"

"I might. I still need to hear from my boss regarding my new position. Let me get back with you on that. By the way, I do want to attend that networking luncheon with you next month."

"Great, I'll give you a call soon."

If your conversations sound like this one, you're probably running on empty. Poor habits wreck havoc on relationships, productivity and self-esteem. If you want to increase your credibility and boost your self-esteem try some new behaviors.

Take responsibility

It's easy to tell who has trouble taking responsibility for their decisions: Those who use the words "might" or "maybe" when they really mean to say,"No." The intent is to save feelings or to please. However, the outcome is loose ends and failed commitments. Using the words "might" or "maybe" is like using an ATM every day. It indicates a lack of planning and poor skills in decision making.

One strategy is to say "no" more often than you say "yes," especially if there is a good chance you will change your mind.

Here's an example: Joanne said no to volunteering for the company picnic. Even though she wanted to participate, she felt overwhelmed with her other responsibilities. However, the day before the picnic, Joanne found that she had the time and was able to help with last-minute details and she became the hero. Conversely, had Joanne said yes and felt overwhelmed, she might have felt resentful, or faced criticism if she needed to cancel at the last minute

Set time boundaries

What if you need some time to make a clear decision? Set a boundary as to when you can give your final decision. Be prepared to say, "I will give you my answer by Wednesday at noon." Then, schedule the phone call in your planner or on your computer and give the answer on you guessed it Wednesday at noon.

For those instances when you are waiting on someone else before making the commitment (for instance, you are waiting for someone else's agreement before submitting a proposal), set a boundary as to when you relinquish your responsibilities. For example, "If I don't hear from you by Friday, I will assume you have agreed upon all aspects of the proposal."

Don't carry around additional weight simply because someone else lacks decision-making abilities or follow up skills. You will increase your credibility by being known as someone who is able to make a clear decision.

Keep your promises

When you make a promise or a statement of intent, you create a liability. There is a debt that is owed. Even simple statements such as: "I'll get back with you" or "I'll give you a call" are an implication that you intend to follow up.

However, since there is no specificity, you are unconsciously avoiding the responsibility of following up, yet there is no guilt simply because there was no clarified expectation.

Change this habit by becoming more specific. The next time you or an associate makes a vague commitment, simply respond by saying, "Let me get that on the calendar or otherwise I'll forget." In other words, set a date, write it down then follow through. Keeping commitments creates trust in relationships.

How many times have you served on a committee with people who never attended the meetings? These people lose credibility and their word is virtually worthless. The payoff for changing this habit is increased respect from your peers and associates and greater trust in yourself as well as being more conscious of your communication.

Don't assume unnecessary debts

Making promises you can't remember or don't keep is like having a monkey on your back.

Your subconscious keeps track and before long you feel burdened and overwhelmed. Lighten your load by supporting others in becoming more responsible.

When I speak at workshops some audience members approach me requesting additional information. My rule is that I will give them anything they want if they contact me by phone or fax. When they are responsible for contacting me, I'm not obligated to keep track or follow through, and they are taking the responsibility of getting something that is important to them.

Here's another example: Suppose your acquaintance, Sue, asks if she can be your guest at a networking luncheon. Most of us automatically create an automatic liability by responding with "Sure, I'll call you a few days before." Then if we forget or get busy we appear untrustworthy and in the process jeopardize the relationship. Say instead, "I'd love to have you. Please contact me two days before to confirm your reservation."