Connecting: Communication missteps can kick businesses in wallet

Marlene Chism, president of ICARE Presentations in Springfield, works with companies that want to build strong business relationships and with individuals who want to be better communicators.

What you don't know might hurt you, and what you say can hurt your business or strain the relationship you have with your customers.

Such was the case between Emily Pohlsander and her cosmetologist. Pohlsander, a newspaper reporter in a growing community, made a decision to switch salons.

"My stylist went on and on about how she hates foreigners and how they take American jobs and how they get special breaks that aren't fair," Pohlsander said. "Of course she couldn't have known my husband and I have traveled extensively and love people from all nations."

The hairstylist also didn't know that Pohlsander's husband is a first-generation U.S. citizen after his father emigrated from Germany, or that Emily tutors Spanish speakers in English, or that she and her husband plan on moving to a foreign country after her husband finishes his degree in international business.

Understanding how to apply levels of communication with your clients might be the difference between building relationships and losing customers, and at the least it will remind you to "ask" rather than "tell."

Communication problems abound when the levels are ignored. Last month we focused on levels one and two: small talk and fact disclosure, and the importance of building relationships through the levels of communication.

Often small talk and fact disclosure get a bad rap, however, spending the appropriate amount of time means keeping your foot out of your mouth and keeping your customer.

That is unless you are like the guy who carried out my groceries last week who entered into level two by using fact-finding questions such as, "is your hair color real," or "how much did that necklace cost?" (A little wisdom and social etiquette also goes a long way with applying the levels.)

Pohlsander's hairstylist jumped into the third level of communication, which is sharing a point of view, without considering the notion that her customer may not have the same opinion. Had the stylist used communication to her advantage, she could have kept her foot out of her mouth. The conversation might have gone something like this:

Stylist: "What's new with you?"

Customer: "Oh, I've been doing some tutoring."

Stylist: "Really? What kind of tutoring?"

Customer: "I've been teaching Spanish speakers how to speak English."

Stylist: "That's interesting. Do you also speak Spanish?"

Customer: "No, but I do know a little German, after all, my husband's family is from Germany."

Stylist: "Did he live in Germany?"

Customer: "No, but he is a first-generation U.S. citizen after his dad emigrated here from Germany. We both have a love for people of all nations, and we plan on moving as soon as he finishes his degree in international business."

Well, you get the idea. After the appropriate amount of time in the first two levels, and by asking good information-gathering questions, the cosmetologist would have enough knowledge to determine where to go in the conversation.

While the first and second levels of communication look for agreement, level three can expose both agreement and separation. At level three a customer is beginning to experience trust, therefore she is willing to risk sharing more of herself.

When a customer enters into level three conversation, it is a good time to take notice because at level three we discover our customer's belief systems and what they value. Naturally, this means you must understand the levels and listen accordingly.

However, unless you are the customer, don't jump into level three too quickly. At level three you must be aware of the four P's: prejudices, politics, preferences and perceptions: "Men are insensitive" or "Women are petty," or as in the case of Pohlsander's stylist, "Foreigners are taking all of our jobs "

As you focus on customer service, keep in mind that sharing opinions (entering into level three) too quickly means you are entering sensitive territory without enough information. Entering level three too quickly is likely to elicit emotional reactions and responses from your customers, which is level four.

Level four communication is language that speaks about feelings and confidential matters, such as health problems, family situations and other deep emotional issues that are normally only shared with close friends and confidants.

I have learned from going to conferences around the United States, that very few people understand the levels of communication. Either that or I just happen to be a "nut" magnet. Almost every time I go to a conference, I wind up sitting by someone who views me as his counselor or therapist.

Too much information about family history and medical conditions can make me a bit uncomfortable, but then again, it makes good material for articles.