Connecting: Avoid networking nightmare with clear communication

Let's face it: some people are boring. Have you ever been held captive by a conversation-hog while networking? Not that long ago I attended a national conference with more than 2,000 participants, and I occasionally found myself nodding, smiling and wondering if my counterpart was ever going to come up for air. You know the type: the needy, long-winded and boring people who seem to have radar that directs them to you.

If you're trapped with a new (unwanted) best friend, how can you plan your getaway? And if your efforts at networking cause others to yawn, check their watches and inch toward the door, how can you become a better communicator?

Too much information

According to communication expert Peter DeLisser in his book, "Be Your Own Executive Coach," certain communication mistakes make the listener expend too much energy. Some of these mistakes include telling more than needs to be told, talking too fast or without articulation, and giving irrelevant information.

Another problem is taking too long to get to the point in other words adding too many details. According to DeLisser, many professionals, specifically senior executives, get frustrated when overloaded with information.

Other communication blunders include not talking in their language, talking down or raising your voice, monopolizing the conversation and interrupting.

Then there's my personal favorite, the "me, me, me" syndrome talking only about yourself. Poor communicators often are unaware of making these impressions, and in certain networking situations they seem to hover like a dark cloud or stick to you like a leech.

Being a better communicator

Learn to self-monitor. The term "self-monitoring" is a term psychologists use to describe the process of observing yourself then shaping your behavior based on your observations.

Observe the body language of the other person. Look for signs of boredom such as darting eyes, yawning or neck rubbing. Other signs are crossed arms, which signal disagreement or discomfort.

Come up for air. How much of the conversation is you talking and how much is you listening or asking questions?

Don't jump ship. Most of us are more interested in our own agendas than in hearing what the other person has to say. Remember to transition from their last statement into your statement to let them know you heard them and your point is relevant to what they just said. Be careful not to interrupt.

Get to the point. Although storytelling is one of the most effective ways to communicate, it can be overdone. Don't be the kind of person who tries to tell a story for every point. People will dread making a statement because it will remind you of a "great story." Learn how to make your point without telling every detail.

Make new friends. Especially in networking situations, spread yourself around. Avoid the tendency to hang around one person just because you feel comfortable. Spend no more than 15 to 30 minutes unless there is a mutual agreement that you both have a lot to discuss. At national or state conferences, sit with strangers rather than those you have already met.

Achieving escape velocity

How do you plan your escape from a conversation gone awry when you feel trapped?

Give clear messages. Don't encourage them by nodding, smiling and asking questions if you want to move on. Take a deep breath and say, "I've enjoyed meeting you. There are a few people I need to go speak with before I leave."

Be sneaky: (This is a good plan to keep in your back pocket.) Introduce them to someone else and after you have included them in another conversation you can gracefully slither away, or sometimes they will make the exit.

Avoid making compromises. Often at state or national conferences you might be cornered by someone who suggests going to get coffee or having an extended visit. Simply say, "Thanks, but I want to unwind in my room before the next session."

Be true to yourself. If they are persistent about meeting you later simply say, "I promised myself that I wasn't going to create a schedule or deadlines. Perhaps we will run into each other, but I want to keep my promise to myself."

Become self-aware. Self-awareness increases the likelihood that you will engage in mutually rewarding communications.

(Marlene Chism is president of ICARE Consulting in Springfield.)