Career-minded moms face tough decisions

Degree at work

On the one side, there is this key question: Should a mother continue life as a full-time professional in the work force? She has sacrificed to earn one or more college degrees. Women who work likely have given a lot of time to build a successful career, which has been seen and heard by the key decision makers in the company. She is climbing the corporate ladder and earning well-deserved kudos along the way. Her salary has reached a point where her quality of life is at a place only dreamed about before. Should she give all that up?

Sure, finding good day care has been a challenge at times, especially when there is an illness. Trying to get everyone ready in the morning leaves her exhausted and stressed before the workday has actually begun. There’s no need, however, to spend time complaining, as this is the norm for many working mothers.

During the summer months, feelings of missing out arise as a working mother’s children have fun swimming, riding bikes and going to the park. However, she knows no one gets a three-month vacation in the business world, so playing in the summer is simply a passing thought in her mind.

Women are taught children need them most when young. But when the teenage years hit, most working mothers would disagree. The problems change. Moms are no longer trying to teach their kids to not throw food on the wall but are facing issues such as drinking, taking drugs and pregnancies.

Child care

At any, and sometimes all ages, her children tug at her heart and the other question comes to mind. Should she stay home? She has always known no one can care for her children like she can.

A working mother may be missing out on many of her child’s firsts – the first time the baby rolls over, crawls, speaks and walks. Regret takes hold of the working mother because she knows she can never go back in time and recapture these firsts.

When her children get hurt playing, she is not there to comfort them. The pain and guilt are almost unbearable upon discovering her child suffered without her, which in her mind is the same as her child suffering alone.

As the children grow, she wants to know what they did at school every day. This information is as critical to a working mother as her profit-and-loss statement at the office.

Children are the most talkative when they get off the bus. Unfortunately, a working mom is not home at this time, so when trying to ask questions later that night, she gets grunts and blank stares.

She is exhausted when she finally does come home from work, and then her second job begins. There is no time to enjoy her children because dinner must be fixed. Everyone is starving, she is tired, it’s getting late and a lot is left on the home to-do list. There are bills, errands, dirty clothes, helping with homework, tending to her husband, picking up the house, working on volunteer activities, making sure everyone gets to bed on time and speaking to any relatives or friends who call. Somewhere in there she knows she is supposed to be teaching life skills and character lessons to raise physically, mentally, emotionally, socially and spiritually healthy kids. The trick is making time to do it. Her energy is completely zapped and her constant evening companions are feelings of guilt, anger and stress. The word peace is not even a blip on her radar.

Mother knows best

Life and the enjoyment of the journey are about choices. Before a working mother can make the choice between working or staying home, she has to know what she wants. A working mother needs to ignore what other people say she should do and the advice touted from books and decide what she thinks is best for her and for her children, both emotionally and economically.

Once that’s determined, the choice will be easy, though it won’t be the same for all working mothers.

Lynne Haggerman, M.S., is president/owner of Haggerman & Associates, a firm specializing in management training, retained search, outplacement and human resource consulting. She can be reached at lynne@haggermanandassociates.com.