Book Review: 'Nice Girls' highlights women's workplace faux pas

In the eight years I’ve been covering southwest Missouri business, I’ve seen evidence to the contrary. Women are present at all levels of the corporate ladder, and most of them are courteous, professional career women.

The author, Lois P. Frankel, Ph.D., notes that her list of workplace errors by women is the culmination of nearly a quarter-century of experience as a coach, trainer, human resource professional and psychotherapist.

Business, she says, is a game that must be played and can be won, particularly if women know the imaginary boundaries and understand the unwritten rules of the game.

Mistake No. 1, Frankel says, is pretending business isn’t a game, with rules, boundaries, winners and losers. Women, she says, approach work more like an event, but they need to be more competitive. Tips include learning to play chess to develop a more strategic mind and find a mentor to help you learn the company’s rules. Mistake No. 2 is playing the game safely within bounds. Sticking within the bounds is OK, but so is playing on the edges.

I found it a bit odd that Mistake No. 3 is working hard, since people who don’t do their jobs don’t tend to get far professionally. Frankel cites the adage, “Women have to work twice as hard to be considered half as good,” and shoots holes in it by pointing out that people rarely get promoted based on hard work alone. Most often, the company’s decision makers know the person’s character and is confident in the employee’s ability to do the job – and that goes for men and women. That makes more sense.

Mistake No. 4 is doing the work of others, which she classifies as a self-defeating behavior. Women, in particular, she maintains, have a nasty habit of saying, “Well, if I don’t do it, no one else will.”

Mistake No. 21 is sharing too much personal information. Women are more likely to tell all about personal issues, particularly if they’re affecting work performance, and this is a no-no. Tips include being selective about what information is shared, and if personal issues are affecting job performance, don’t hide it, but be brief. Completely withholding personal information isn’t good either, though, because it can be perceived as secretive or dishonest. Allowing others to see a glimpse of your personal life humanizes you and can build relationships.

Here are some other tips:

• Mistake No. 24: Flirting. The bottom line is that flirting at work is a bad idea. The author notes, however, that sometimes people do find true love at work – and if a relationship develops, discretion is key, and that goes for men and women.

• Mistake No. 26: Decorating your office like your living room. Even though women may spend more time at work than they do at home, and they lean more toward creating a warm and welcoming environment, that doesn’t mean the office should look like a living room. Tips: Office décor should be consistent with the company’s culture. Accessories can reflect a woman’s personality, so long as they don’t overly emphasize femininity.

• Mistake No. 27: Feeding others. Unless a candy dish is meant to be an ice-breaker to put co-workers at ease, Frankel says feeding others at work should be avoided. Particularly for women, though, she says that home-baked goods are a faux pas because nourishing – or feeding – is a decidedly female trait. “You rarely see food on men’s desks,” she writes.

• Mistake No. 78: Wearing inappropriate makeup. People notice when it’s too heavy – or too light. It should be used as an accessory, like jewelry or a scarf. It will be noticed. Tip: Seek advice from cosmetic professionals about what’s appropriate and looks best.

• Mistake No. 80: Dressing inappropriately. Stay away from short skirts, seductive clothing and stiletto heels, but in general, also avoid ill-fitting or wrinkled clothes. Consider clothing as an investment in your professional future, and even when going casual, dress just a little better than those around you.

• Mistake No. 82: Grooming in public. This, Frankel says, is noticed and logged by others – and is fairly uncommon among men. Public primping such as checking hair, filing nails or reapplying lipstick emphasizes femininity and can detract from credibility. Tip: If grooming is necessary, duck out and head to the ladies’ room or other private area.

• Mistake No. 89: Taking notes, getting coffee and making copies. Apparently, this can be seen as perpetuating the stereotype that a woman’s role at work is to nurture, care for and serve others. Maybe so, but I also think it depends on whether the men on staff are willing to take a turn at these tasks. If so, it seems less of a problem. Perhaps this comes from my working in an industry where taking notes is the norm, for men and women, and on a small staff where everyone offers to bring up coffee on busy mornings.

• Mistake No. 99: Playing the gender card. Tip: Except in cases where discrimination is egregious and blatant, avoid this, and try other means of negotiating conflict before crying sex discrimination. Frankel says a majority of such cases are actually poor management and not gender-related.

• Mistake 101: Crying. Women cry when they’re happy, sad, frustrated or angry, and in many other scenarios, but it shouldn’t be done in view of co-workers. Excuse yourself, get a handle on it and come back to the problem when you’re in control.

Whether you agree that Frankel is defining mistakes correctly (I didn’t), this book definitely provides plenty of issues to consider, and lots of tips that might be useful.