Opinion: Styles make big difference in communicating effectively

When I asked for restroom directions at an event, a man said, “Go through that double set of doors, turn left and go down the hallway 19 steps. The restroom is on your left.”

I thought he was joking about the 19 steps. Still, I counted, “17, 18, 19 – exactly.”

It was odd to me. Why number the steps to the restroom? Why include it in simple directions?

Humans are wired differently, and we communicate in distinctive ways. For example, the way we arrange information and give instructions, our use of small talk or not, the number of details we provide and our word choices typically flow from our personality and the preferences that surface when we interact with others.

Taking a personality assessment such as Myers-Briggs or DiSC can help you understand yourself and others, among other things, to become aware of better ways to communicate with people unlike you. Typically, assessments place people among four personality types, with most people being a blend of two or more styles.

It can be challenging to communicate with different people. Having some understanding of the four core personalities can help.

Here they are, with a breakdown of each:

1. Determined Drivers. These are driven, assertive individuals who like to control things. They often make decisions quickly, don’t like small talk and can be blunt if they disagree. Low on patience, they don’t appreciate sales-pitchy approaches, such as, “I know 100% you’ll like this.” Answer a Determined Drivers’ question or objection directly. Be an excellent listener and present your ideas in a logical flow. Focus on results they can expect and how you will specifically address their problem.
2. Amiable Helpers. These friendly personalities are patient and relaxed during communication. They are less skeptical and more trusting. Don’t rush them for a decision, but give them sufficient time to think things through. Provide comments, ideas, guarantees, testimonials or other assurances that help reinforce when their perspective or decision is correct. It’s best to give both verbal and nonverbal responsive feedback when you listen. And invest sufficient time to build rapport.
3. Expressive Communicators. Expressive personalities are talkative, enthusiastic and optimistic. They will lose interest in too many details or data analyses. They want to hear and tell stories. To get your point across, develop credibility, trust and likability as early on as possible. Limit the details and get to the end. But make sure you let them talk by asking relevant questions. Show enthusiasm for your idea or product, and provide testimonials or case studies they will consider significant. You can be supportive as a listener by reinforcing what they have said.
4. Analytical Thinkers. A reflective thinker loves facts and relies on data and analyzes it carefully. They are naturally serious and skeptical, so you must break down that skepticism or resistance by delivering information competently. Do your homework and run the numbers to quantify your impact on their desired outcomes. They value listening comprehension and clarifying questions. Then, it works best to provide a timeline of action steps and deadlines for your idea or recommendation.

Now, how would you give bathroom directions based on your personality style?

If you are a Determined Driver, you might provide a direct, short answer: “Go out the double doors, turn left. It’s down the hallway on your left.”

Suppose you are an Amiable Helper. You might give warm-hearted instructions, “Sure! I can show you if you want to follow me – I don’t mind. You can also go out these doors, turn left, and the restroom is down the hallway on your left.”

If you’re an Expressive Communicator, you might say, “Sure thing. It’s not very far. It’s easy. Go out those double doors right over there, then turn left and go down the hallway, and the men’s and women’s restrooms will be on your left. Can’t miss them!”

If you’re an Analytical Thinker, you may number the steps and refer to them in your instructions, just like the man did with me.

Understand yourself and others so you can adapt your approach and make people comfortable with you, your ideas or your proposal. The four personalities are one tool anyone can use to communicate effectively.

Consultant, professional speaker and author Mark Holmes is president of Springfield-based Consultant Board Inc. and MarkHolmesGroup.com. He can be reached at mark@markholmesgroup.com.